Monday, December 16, 2013

To my Fidel

The silence of our sorrow as we say our goodbye,
Your cheeks damp while my eyes dry.
Tomorrow, you are gone forever,
No longer the warmth of this shivering weather.

I am sorry that I can only express this through words on a screen,
But I loved you even though aware of this inevitable ending.
Even with heartache I still do not regret,
For the things you have taught me, I am forever in your debt.

The smudges on your letter,
I know their origin.
The beauty of your words,
To me, this was foreign.
As strange as our exotic roots,
And regrettably, our incompatible pursuits.

Yet, love was as strong as the walls broken down,
I feared that if I let you in, I would drown.
But instead, on my head, you placed a golden crown.
As I stood tall and proud in my royal gown.

Our endless laughs in the times we would spend,
I am happy that I will always call you a friend.
Even with the feeling that now a piece of me is missing,
This short but sweet romance, I will spend the winter reminiscing.

Never forget our promises or our goals,
They are what forecast the reunion of our souls.

Though we fear the possibility that this love may die,
I will promise you, this is not our last goodbye.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Tick Tick Tick

Some people need to feel the satisfaction that irritates their insides, desperate to relieve the constant gnawing of the destructive creature that tries to overwhelm them. How does this irritation vanish? By throwing others under the bus. Some humans are ticking time bombs; they live normal lives but hold dark thoughts that become triggered into actions once they experience a tragedy. Pain is a terrible thing, but unfortunately, all humans will feel it at some point in their life. It is those who cannot handle this pain that the rest of us need to be careful of. Some people who cannot get over something terrible that they have gone through feel the need to take away the happiness and pain-free lives of others in order for themselves to be happy again. But their happiness is only temporary; because truly, they understand that causing other people pain does not solve their underlying issues. These types of people are very dangerous, because they are weak and will use any means to bring others misfortune, stopping at nothing to hurt others. Since we cannot control others, nor do we have a need to, we must make sure to always maintain immortal self-confidence while staying aware and in control of our surroundings. If you are fooled, you must keep your head high and continue as the person you were before being deceived, or else they will succeed in making you another condescending and dark manipulator; a reflection of themselves. There are two types of people who experience pain and live from it; the survivor, who learns from what has happened and uses positive attitudes to prevent others from falling into their path, and then there is the jealous one; who will stop at nothing to make you a creation of what they are. We must choose our friends wisely and know the difference between a friend who is truly concerned and one whose seemingly kind words are merely a concealed plan for destruction. Trust your instincts, but also trust the advice of true loved ones. Do not be a part of the aftermath of an exploded time bomb masked in human form.

People Pleaser

I wish I could be everything to everybody.
That people would only say good things.
If that were possible, I would spend all my time trying to make things right for everyone else.
Yet I fail to acknowledge that I must take care of the person who desperately needs it the most:
No, do not be absurd. Who has time for me when everyone else is in so much trouble?
She has boy troubles and he cannot find a job, I must be there for them.
It does not matter if I befriended them a month ago or six years ago, I must stay loyal.
Oh, just ignore the fact that she secretly mocks you, or that he only responds when he wants to.
I can secretly hate them too.

What is this spiral of a life I have created?
With a web of lies resembling a maze.
I lost the trail of stones I left when I first entered.
Stuck with helplessness and the mentality that pleasing others will bring me happiness.
But what I do is never enough.
Not for them, but for myself.
I will never be happy no matter what I achieve for others.
Because by putting others first, I remain last.
For them, and for myself.

I choose to project the false side of me while the rotting truth stays cozy inside.
Is my sanity not a sufficient reason to stop this madness?
I am losing myself.
I miss the innocent, happy child I was.
I miss the fearless girl who loved life.
Who accepted herself and did not care what others desired of her.
If anyone should be put first, it should have been her.
Maybe then I would not be so lost now, wandering about, hoping someone will free me.
But no one is willing to when I do not prioritize it myself.

Desperately looking for genuine love, yet even when it is found, I do not notice.
Because I am always looking for more.
Please, if someone could help me break this cycle,
I do not know how to beg without saying a word.
Without destroying what little pride I have left.
Someone, look into my eyes and realize I am suffering,
That the lashing out and anger is only to protect me from myself.
It is only there to distract me from what exists inside.
I swear I was born a good person, but now developing into an unfamiliar creature.
If I cannot save myself, who will?

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Heart Knows What it Desires

How can I sit here and pretend to read,
When all I can think about is kissing you?
Butterflies dance in approval of my fantasy,
While brows are furrowed further,
At the thought of trusting you,
I'm sorry, but that I can't do.

Our hands intertwined, no distance between our bodies,
Your breath on my neck,
I can feel your desire.
You are conflicted, as much as I am,
How can I feel this way when I spend most of my time angry at you?
Why do I feel as though you're a different ending from the others?
I smile as I play games with you, I watch you squirm,
But if only you knew of the frown that lives inside.

Infatuation or fondness, that I do not know,
We don't have much time,
I fear for what is to come,
At the thought of falling for you,
I'm sorry, but that I can't do.