Disappointment Overdose

Disappointments happen everywhere. Whether it is being given a terrible mark on a paper you thought was a masterpiece, or missing out on the concert of your favorite band, it seems like life is a disappointment overdose.

Why, you might wonder, would I feel such a way when my life is full of happiness, luck, and barely any hardships? (I am quite superstitious, so I will ask you to knock on wood ;)) Why is it that often people, including myself, focus on the negatives in life and forget the good things that have happened? I am no pessimistic; for I definitely see the glass as half full. Every time I am let down or stepped on, I believe 100% that it will be much better next time. Sure, I have those days where I feel nothing is going to change, and the world will never be a good place, but who doesn't have those moody, PMS-ing days where you feel nothing is going well? (Hell yes, even guys PMS.)

It's other people who disappoint me. I am not saying I'm the Queen of the World and need to be pleased constantly, but come on, it wouldn't hurt sometimes to care. This isn't a cry for attention, this isn't a dumb blog trying to say, "Guys, I'm going through a hard time, I'm like this, and I'm like that. Please pay attention to whatever I say, and always be there when I need someone." No, definitely not. Because who has the time for all that crap? Hell, even I wouldn't 'always be there for someone'. There's no such thing anyway. Unless you don't have a life, or are madly in love with that person, there is no way in hell you will ALWAYS be there. Of course you'll help them out at difficult times, but you and I both know humanity's selfish instinct disallows other people from being your first priority. What I am getting at is that society as a whole doesn't care enough. Like us individuals, society seems to prioritize. Call me crazy, but it seems we give so much attention to events that make the West look like either heroes or victims. Since I find the United States completely untrustworthy; I actually believe 9/11 was planned by the US. Muslims have been known to do some unforgivable things, but there is no way they were able to pull that off. Though 9/11 was a great tragedy, I find the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki much more significant. But no way will the Americans ever admit that. Why? Because they were the ones who dropped those bombs. Of course the Americans are sneaky and filthy that way; welcome to politics! Okay, I am probably going to be hated for saying this, but I am the type of person to say what's on my mind--loving the controversy it brings along with it: How many classes, seminars, movies, articles, television programs, and attention are we going to give the Holocaust? Of course it was a terrible event in history, and Hitler was a disgusting pig. Six million innocent Jews were killed; children, women, and men. Just because of their religion. It's awful. But how many genocides are going on in Africa right now? Rwanda, Sudan, and probably many other countries that aren't even mentioned in Canadian and American news. I find that as disgusting as the Holocaust itself. How many more lives are going to be lost by tomorrow from starvation, poverty, abuse, and diseases? I am not going to blame the lack of attention for these ignored souls because of racism; instead I am going to blame our ignorance. What is the United Nations doing? Instead of trying to find non existing bombs in random Middle East countries, save the poor people who can't fend for themselves. For God's sake, their lack of aid is as inhumane as private health care in America. Though the Americans didn't rush to help the Jews at the beginning of the second World War; they still sacrificed many lives to help liberate all the Jews in Europe. I still haven't seen much progress in Africa and for 2009 that is depressing. Who am I to complain about disappointments when people living in genocides, constant violence, and poverty are confronted with them every single day? I am ashamed. As technology progresses, we are becoming more and more lazy. We don't even bother writing letters anymore; instead we quickly type our messages to our loved ones overseas into an IM box and send it away! I am going to devote my life to saving innocent people and give them the life I was so fortunately given. Whether it's kicking some international criminals' ass in an international court, or travelling to countries in need myself; I promise to make my own fragment of peace in this world. But it's up to all of us; the next generation, to decide whether we are willing to get our hands dirty for a good cause. In the words of the wise Ice Cube, "You can do it put your back into it".

Badass

Surrounded by most things my mother has taken my hand from,
All the desires rushing through me, only wanting freedom
"Come on, just one time. It'll be fun, do it!"
Eyes piercing through me, making me feel like I don't fit

I do it once, then again, one more time
Washing the burning sensation down with lime
"This is fun! Let's do one more!"
"Oh no, I cannot. My throat is getting sore."

What's that you say? Will I do what for you?!
I'm sorry, but what you were told is not true.
I would never do that, especially not for somebody I don't know
Me? A girl like that? Say it isn't so!
For I have enough respect for myself to remember who's in charge
As my integrity and dignity are still at large
Of course I'm calling a cab! You're creeping me out!
If I stay longer, you will hurt me, that I do not doubt.

Getting home, to the sweetest people I know,
The only people I trust, since 17 years ago
"Oh Mom! I'm so glad to be back!
But I'm too tired to explain! I'm going to go hit the sack."

Crawling into my bed I think of the excuses I could use to explain
But as I drift off I think to myself, "Holy shit, that was insane!"

What goes on in a teenager's mind...

Memorizing the time you'll be here
But wishing you would always want to be near
Checking the time over and over again
Distracting myself in order to keep sane

Not yet friends, and far from lovers,
Yet if we're together, I daydream about the dangers
Fights, tears, my father kicking your ass
Or distraction causing me to fall behind in class

As I laugh at such nonsense a girl my age would think of,
I still wonder, "Is what's happening love?"
As friends disapprove, I still defend you,
Wondering if you would do the same thing for me too

Maybe it's a Taylor Swift song about an amazing guy,
"Your eyes are lookin' into mine, so baby make me fly"
Or maybe it's just the feeling of a summer fling
Because in the end, I don't want my heart aching.

Day and night, I imagine of what could be
Though deep down I know, you can never be with me.

Sad Eyes

Getting a call from a friend who cancels,
Never hearing the words desired from a boy,
Watching your family fall apart,
watching them try to mend their broken hearts.

Guns, grenades, suicide bombers,
CNN filled with witnessing callers,
People fighting their own people and shedding each other's blood,
Soldiers waiting for the enemy in the bushes, covered in mud.

People you trust and have fun with,
but deep inside knowing a good friend is a myth.
Women sacrificing their dignity and self respect for a man's love,
Allowing the media to degrade the rest of the women who have self love

A dog put in a cage to be sold and fend for itself,
Showing no sympathy and keeping all the money for ourself,
A small, starving child with helpless tears on tv dies,
I watch the world; all the hate and misfortune, with sad eyes.

We all have our own choices

So the other day I was watching a movie about abortion, and I saw a group gathered around the abortion clinic scolding any vulnerable woman who walked in there. Then I thought to myself, who are they to tell the women what they can and can't do? Would you rather a child grow up in a horrible environment, either neglected by her regretful mother or abused in a foster home, than to save them from that even before their life in the world began? Though that's not always the case, and many stories of happy adopted children have been told, I still can't get over the fact that so many children are neglected and abused. Some unfit mothers do drugs during the pregnancy and the newborns become crack babies! So you'd rather have that happen then an unborn child with barely no understanding of its surroundings be aborted?
It's none of my business, it's your body, you do whatever you like with it. But other people, who they have probably never met, should not protest against their decision; it's hard for them already. They have just gone through the most devastating decision of giving a baby up because they can't support them, and you bash them for it? ESPECIALLY the men; oh you have no idea what goes on in a woman's head! So don't you DARE tell us what to do!
All I'm saying is, every body has their own responsibility, and when you are given the responsibility of another life inside your body, weigh out the pros and cons, then decide. I wish to live in a world someday where no matter what difficult, personal decision you make would be nobody else's business.