Puzzle Pieces

Sometimes the events that occur in my life all seem to hold the common intent of crushing my dreams, passions or relationships with the people around me. Day after day, things just fail to go my way, and I am motionlessly dumbstruck at how and when things suddenly began to go downhill. It's as though everything I once looked forward to becomes something I try to forget, because it is no longer obtainable. But other times, every single thing in my life seems to fit together and go as planned. It is funny how in those moments, I tend to forget to appreciate how everything in my life is going so smoothly, only because I don't recall the nasty feeling of losing control during the difficult times. But what I have recently realized -- you could even call it a 'mild epiphany' -- is that events in my life only begin to go as planned after everything has gone wrong. Confused yet? Before people start to think this blog represents the mind of a neurotic, let me provide an example:

If you're an adult and are either in school or have a job, you have probably realized by now that life is definitely a puzzle, and its pieces are scattered in this world and -- most likely -- the next fifteen dimensions. I'm not trying to sound like Forrest Gump (because let's face it, he sounds much cooler when he talks about life), but life really is like a puzzle! Think about it; when things are going well in your life, the puzzle pieces tend to fit together and make a pretty picture (for fun, let's say it's a picture of Tom Hardy). But when everything seems to fall apart, it's as though those puzzle pieces are breaking apart and therefore; the puzzle fails to make any sense (as though Tom Hardy's lips are where his belly button should be). Here is the interesting part: the puzzle only falls apart to make a new puzzle from its altered pieces; a puzzle that becomes more beautiful than the previous one (let's keep it clean this time with a picture of Paris). 

You probably still think I'm a neurotic because this probably only makes sense to me, but what I'm really trying to say is that life is a puzzle, and the events and relationships in our lives are the puzzle pieces. Their purpose is to break apart from the puzzle, reform into new shapes and sizes, then pull themselves back into the puzzle and somehow make room for themselves. That is the cycle of one's life. Sometimes pieces from the puzzle will fall apart and break, but they do so only to come back and put together a more beautiful and elegant picture that represents your new life. It's like Darwin's theory of the "survival of the fittest"; the pieces change because you change, your dreams change, your friends change. Though at the time when everything is falling apart you may lose faith, just remember that things are only changing in order to accommodate your improved life.

It's over

The illuminated path I started on begins to dim,
The shadow that follows behind alters the beautiful scenery to grim,
Because that shadow threatens my happiness; that shadow resembles him.


The ease now turns to anger,
The hole in my heart gets bigger,
Because that anger threatens my peace; that anger becomes my captor.


An entity visits my path and lights itself,
Relieving my disturbed conscious like heavy books taken off a shelf,
Because that entity manifests itself as my saviour; that entity is my present self.

Freedom.

The wing of a bird is a simple yet complex affair,
Those trusted know it should be preserved and handled with care,
It stretches far and high to prove its might,
But who would have known a bullet would break its flight?

The leader's hands on the hips of the dancer guides her moves,
Nobody but her realizes that he is leading her in a way she disproves,
The elegant dancer should be following with a smile,
But who would have known his hands force her direction into a perilous style?

The graceful arms of the dancer resemble the fragile wing of the bird,
Both controlled and insecure, both vulnerable and fractured.
The will to escape transforms the broken wing into one that is majestic,
And the competence of the dazed dancer leaves her no longer heartsick.
Their gallantry allows them to become independent and privileged,
As their new-found liberty will grant them protection and always be kept salvaged.

Flicker

Birds sing as the smell of after-rain engrosses my room,
The occasional sounds of distant cars fill me with gloom.
Yet, when I think of you, my world morphs into silence,
My reality confuses itself with a feeling of voidance.

Together, we create envy for those who have not yet been touched by love,
Others say we are something we need to be proud of.
As I sit and ponder about the illuminating light that makes itself known in my dark room,
I cannot help but notice its constant flicker that reinforces its doom.

Why do I remain still and feed it my attention,
As though I am to blame for its arrogant creation?
For the first time, I move towards the switch of the light,
A single tear falls down my cheek as I deliver its death into the night.

Rose Petals to Brown Leaves

The crimson leaves of last season have crumbled and follow the gust,
Shriveled from time and identical to remnants of dust.
In the wind their residue travels to places we will never know,
But their purpose is to secure room for new flowers to blossom and grow.

I stand as an obstacle for the leaves to reach their destination,
Because I stand where their buds first bloom in their creation.
We must let go of our fears and allow the floret to thrive,
If we lose faith, it will simply remain a dull chive.

Trying to fix something before it is broken may appear to be original and clever,
But like an over-watered flower, it will only descend in its damage forever.
I step away as the obstacle and instead give the seed my blessing,
There is not a single thing to do but to allow its valuable journey through its destined path, freeing me from obsessing.

Gratuitous Therapy

There's an emptiness inside of me. Like a gaping hole that grows in accordance to the growth of my emotional maturity. Until now, I never had the guts to even admit any negative feelings I have. I've grown up to hide my feelings, to smother them with all the happiness I could muster in front of my friends. But this entry is not about me. It's about the temporary happiness people can feel, and how easily it goes away with the trigger of one idea. No, I am not talking about depression or psychological issues; I am talking about human emotions. What causes us to love or to hate? I can tell you from much experience that hating someone is the easiest emotion you can feel, but the most difficult to forget. Myself, for example, would rather despise everything about someone before coming to terms with the pain they have put me through. I hope that hating a person so much will keep me busy enough to forget why I hate them. Yeah, I'm a pussy. But my pride and habit has taught me to wrap plastic wrap around the real person I am, and instead show off my new shiny self. But whatever this is supposed to achieve, it's not working. Forget the traditional values, humans need to interact with each other and communicate their loneliness or despair. It's easier said than done, I know. But times are changing and people are becoming much more open about themselves. We must trust enough in ourselves to be able to trust in others, and when we show our true selves we are not certain of the outcome, but we need to have faith that in the end it is worth having shown someone who we really are. To love ourselves means that we accept the happiness and the pain we have faced, and only through that acceptance can we move forward and share our experiences and lessons learned with our future loved ones. This gratifying sense of self is what I call gratuitous therapy.