Tuesday, July 3, 2012
There's an emptiness inside of me. Like a gaping hole that grows in accordance to the growth of my emotional maturity. Until now, I never had the guts to even admit any negative feelings I have. I've grown up to hide my feelings, to smother them with all the happiness I could muster in front of my friends. But this entry is not about me. It's about the temporary happiness people can feel, and how easily it goes away with the trigger of one idea. No, I am not talking about depression or psychological issues; I am talking about human emotions. What causes us to love or to hate? I can tell you from much experience that hating someone is the easiest emotion you can feel, but the most difficult to forget. Myself, for example, would rather despise everything about someone before coming to terms with the pain they have put me through. I hope that hating a person so much will keep me busy enough to forget why I hate them. Yeah, I'm a pussy. But my pride and habit has taught me to wrap plastic wrap around the real person I am, and instead show off my new shiny self. But whatever this is supposed to achieve, it's not working. Forget the traditional values, humans need to interact with each other and communicate their loneliness or despair. It's easier said than done, I know. But times are changing and people are becoming much more open about themselves. We must trust enough in ourselves to be able to trust in others, and when we show our true selves we are not certain of the outcome, but we need to have faith that in the end it is worth having shown someone who we really are. To love ourselves means that we accept the happiness and the pain we have faced, and only through that acceptance can we move forward and share our experiences and lessons learned with our future loved ones. This gratifying sense of self is what I call gratuitous therapy.